The Wedding You Never Got to Have

In March 2020, couples started canceling. Not rescheduling, not scaling back. Canceling. Venues shut down. The CDC was recommending gatherings of no more than ten. The people who had spent two years planning a wedding in April or June or September watched their dates disappear one by one.

1.7 million weddings were disrupted that year. It was the lowest wedding count in fifty years. About 90 percent of 2020 and 2021 couples changed their plans in some way. Half of them radically downsized to backyards, Zoom calls, or rooms with fewer than ten people. Some filed the license and said the vows over a laptop screen. Some just waited.

Of the couples who did a legal ceremony with the promise of a bigger celebration later, somewhere between 30 and 40 percent never got that celebration. Inflation came. Houses were bought. Children arrived. The party that was always going to happen eventually did not.

The window is now

The class of 2020 is hitting their five-year anniversary this year and next. That is the window.

Five years is long enough to know the marriage is real. It is also the milestone at which it becomes obvious that the celebration they planned is not going to happen on its own. Someone has to decide to do it.

A lot of couples are deciding.

What it looks like

These events are not quite vow renewals and not quite anniversary parties. Couples are calling them what they want. "Take Two." "The wedding we never got to have." "A proper celebration." The etiquette is being invented as they go, and that is fine.

Most are keeping it to 50 to 100 people. Not the full 200-person list they felt obligated to invite in 2019. The people they actually want in the room. They are cutting the bridal party, the registry, the favors. They are putting that money into the open bar, the photographer, and the food.

The photographer is often the whole point. These couples have nothing but masked backyard snapshots or a Zoom screenshot from their actual wedding day. They want portraits. They want a room full of unmasked faces. They want the photo of everyone together, especially the grandparents who could not be there in 2020.

You are allowed to do this

The most common question in every forum thread about COVID wedding do-overs: is it weird? Is it self-indulgent? Can we wear formal clothes? Can we invite people we had to disinvite five years ago?

The answer to all of it is the same. You survived a historical crisis and built a life anyway. You are allowed to celebrate that.

The people who understand what 2020 was will understand why you are doing this now. The ones who do not were not the right list.

There is no registry here. No obligation invites. No traditional timeline to follow. You are throwing a party because you earned one.

What vendors you need

A photographer who can handle a reception-style event and deliver portraits worth keeping. A venue that offers reception-only packages without requiring a full ceremony. A florist for the flowers that never got carried. Food and a bar, because the dance floor your guests missed in 2020 is the whole reason you are doing this.

If you want vows said over you this time, an officiant who is comfortable with renewal ceremonies rather than legal marriages. No license required. Just the words.

Most Eastern Alabama venues have off-peak availability for events in the 50 to 100 person range. Sunday afternoons, weekdays in October, off-season months. The capacity is there. The vendors who work with renewals and do-overs know the format.

How to start

Pick the date. Call the photographer first. Good photographers book out months ahead, and the portrait session is the center of the whole thing for most of these couples.

Then a venue, then food and bar, then flowers.

Tell people what it is. "We got married in 2020 during the pandemic. We are finally having the celebration we always wanted. Come." That is all the explanation anyone needs.

Five years ago, you said the vows in whatever room was available. You made it work. You built the marriage.

The celebration is still yours.

Find photographers, venues, florists, and officiants in Eastern Alabama and West Georgia at The Aisle vendor directory. Planning a similar event? The vow renewals page and the COVID wedding do-over page both have vendor categories and planning resources.

Share this

Related guides